What is it in the Russian psyche that compels Muscovites to insist on using their broken English with me? I may look American or English, maybe Scottish, but why does that imply I can’t speak Russian? Or that they can speak English? It’s almost as if they believe that anybody with a foreign face couldn’t possibly speak Russian. After suffering through their silly routine year after year, I’ve begun to turn the tables on them. In restaurants and airports, I wait for them to take the bait, then I begin the gag:
ME: Здравстуйте, будьте добры яичницу и каппучино. (Translation: Hi, I’ll have fried eggs and a cappuccino, please.)
WAITRESS: Ah! Mebee yu vant Englisch menyu?
ME (loud): O-oh! I find peepl speek Englisch, tu, lik me! In rusha! Is fud heer? For me menyu no nessry. Vat yu say mee say yu vant I eet?
WAITRESS: (long pause)
ME (casually): Только яичницу и каппучино.
(Translation: Just eggs and cappuccino.)
WAITRESS: Конечно. (Translation: Of course.)
No comments:
Post a Comment